So much has happened, and I’ve been a bit MIA with good reason. We welcomed our sweet baby boy in July and it’s been a wild ride! I thought I would write our birth story to share our story, and if you’ve had a baby in NICU, I understand what you went through. It’s an experience…I don’t want to put a label on it good or bad, but it’s intense and draws out all the feelings.

Baby boy arrived 5-6 weeks early, and I was totally – well not totally, but fairly – unprepared. I say 5 to 6 weeks because his due date is debatable. I was fairly unprepared (instead of totally) because he is my third baby, and I knew what to expect – but each birth is different.

I’ll start at the beginning. On a hot summer day in early July, I felt a bit uncomfortable and had some pain. We had just gotten home from a day at the pool, and since I hadn’t done anything strenuous, I figured it wasn’t anything labor related. I sat down to relax and have dinner. As the pain grew in intensity, I noticed a rhythm and I started to panic. It was now bedtime so I hoped laying down to sleep would calm everything down. Instead, once I hit the pillow, the rushes seemed to get stronger. I called my OB and was told to head to the hospital. If it was labor, it would happen quickly. My husband called his parents to come over and watch our two kids – but they didn’t pick up. My dad was in the hospital and I really didn’t want to call my mom, but there were only a few options and I was definitely in labor. Thankfully my mom picked up and came over, although it felt like years went by before she arrived. My husband and I were finally on our way to the hospital.

We checked in (as I took moments to breathe through the contractions) and after a fun covid test (negative), I was admitted. I was in labor and things were progressing. We tried an IV to slow down labor and stop contractions by hydrating. My body was like, yeah, no – baby is coming. I was further dilating and in active labor. My plan for this baby was to try a natural birth. I had a c-section with my first because she was breach, and my second was a Vbac, with an epidural. I thought a natural birth would really round out my birthing resume. I had listened to podcasts and read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I had some hypnobirthing tracks loaded and ready to go. When the anesthesiologist came in and asked if I wanted an epidural, I replied “I’m ok for now – can I get one later if I change my mind?” To which she said, “well I won’t be in this tower and I’m not sure I can make it back in time.” Cool cool – so if I didn’t get one then, I might not get one at all. With that prospect I was not willing to gamble. Ask me now, and I would tell you I wish I had waited and tried but in the moment (and after another contraction) my laboring self wasn’t going to wait to see. I called the ball.

The epidural was not how I remembered it with my second baby. It was painful, burned, and all I can say is it was not an awesome experience. I had itching which is a fun side effect. It eventually went away but the sensation was terrible. The not-feeling-your-legs is another side effect that isn’t great when you feel like you want to move a bit. Pros, I felt no pain and could still sense when I was having a contraction. I was in a really good mood and went from 6cm to 9 really quickly. They whisked all the medical equipment out and within 30 minutes, I was pushing. I heard “he has a great size head!” A frightening comment when you are pushing a baby out, but good news considering how early he was. Everything was calm but exciting and after a few pushes, Luke was in my arms.

Now from here, things went downhill. After holding Luke on my chest for just a few minutes, they took him to clean him up and get all the necessary information. I was promised skin to skin time, which is SO important. After he was set, they informed me he needed to go to the NICU just to make sure he was OK to go to the room with me. They told me he looked great, was a good weight (5lb. 8 oz!), and he would likely go to my room. Against my mama intuition, I let them take him. I should have made them give me the skin to skin time I was promised and that is so vital for newborns and mamas. My husband went up with Luke and I felt like it would be a short time before he was in my arms again.

I was released from the delivery unit to head up to recovery and on the way we stopped to see Luke. They wouldn’t bring him to my room because they wanted to monitor him. For the next 8 days all we kept hearing is Luke needs to be monitored…his temp…his color…his weight. It was a horrible waiting game that the hospital played to save them from lawsuits in case anything should go wrong. I was discharged from the hospital 48 hours later, after asking if I could stay another day or two to be close to my newborn and not have to go in and out of a hospital during covid. My request was declined. For the next week, I trekked back and forth, taking shifts with my husband, to visit Luke – to feed Luke – to be with my baby. I pumped like a madwoman to ensure Luke had all the milk he needed. The stash I was gathering at the hospital was ridiculous. Luke’s temp yo-yoed and I blame it on not having that vital skin to skin time with my newborn. He was also under not one, but two air vents in the ceiling, during a 95 degree heat wave in Detroit. Outside was an incubator, yet in the hospital we were freezing. I requested to be moved, and our new location in the NICU was much warmer and his temp regulated. We were released about 48 hours later. While I understand we will never know if Luke would have thrived without all the intervention, I feel in my heart that we were misled and the care was far too medicalized. I know we would have been better off with more skin to skin time and mother-baby bonding time vs. all the machines, IVs, and monitoring. The nurses were wonderful – caring and nurturing, but the fact that we had to go there for precaution and couldn’t get out until a bunch of tests were passed drove me nuts. It didn’t help I had hormones raging and my new mom instinct was to literally break my child out of the hospital.

Coming home was the sweetest homecoming ever. I was so happy to be in my four walls with my family. The next few weeks were a blur. My big kids helped so much, but there were adjustments and some attitude that needed to be checked. We all made it through the first month home and Luke did great. Suddenly it was back to school time, and this new mom was terrified. School was virtual – not in person – and something I had not considered when we decided to have a third baby. I knew the juggling act would be hard, but I didn’t realize how hard.

It’s now the third week of school and I’m definitely struggling but it has gotten better. The kids need help, baby L needs all my attention, and we are just trying to survive on a daily basis. We have zoom calls from 8-3, school work, breaks and snacks, lunch and nursing. And the technical difficulties…but I do believe we’ve gotten a handle on the situation.

Here we are, in mid-September. I am so thankful to be home with my new little man. I’m thankful my kids are learning. I’m hopeful we can handle this but it’s a crazy time. If you are in the same boat as me, we’ve got this. The road looks way different this fall than it has in previous years, but I know we will get into a groove and be OK. And here’s to hoping the kids go back to school.

Amidst all the crazy, we were able to get beautiful photos. If you are local, I highly recommend these two ladies – Maren and Lou, and Apple of Our Eye. They are incredibly talented, create the most special memories- and have a way of making this time in the world look happy and free.